McFAUST

Like many Democrats and other Educated-Americans, my soul has ached during the 8-year rule of the boy king. 8 years of an intellectually and morally challenged president and his cadres of misanthropes, underachievers, dirty tricksters, and other assorted villains, thieves and scoundrels. So perhaps the single aspect of the McCain/Palin ticket that is most repugnant, and it is repugnant  on so many levels, is the prospect of returning people of similar moral bankruptcy and bad intent to positions of power.

But that is the political process. After 8 years of nucular winter, we now have to endure more smugness and stupidity excreted from the mouth of Sarah Gump. But I guess Democracy is also like a box of chocolates: you never know what you’re gonna get. The same wave that carrries in an FDR also vomits up flotsam like Nixon, Agnew, or Palin. The same open process that gave us Eugene McCarthy, also gave us Joe McCarthy.

And while the polls and momentum have shifted toward Obama, the resulting behavior on the Republican side leads one to ask the same question of McCain that was once posed to Joe McCarthy: Have you no decency? And the answer, apparently, is no. Like a cornered, wounded animal, he will do anything to survive. He’s out of legitimate options. He can’t run on leadership, as his erratic behavior, grandstanding stunts, and regulation/deregulation flip-flops during the recent financial crisis made him look like Sybil trying to decide on a personality. Much like Richard Gere’s character at a dramatic moment in An Officer and a Gentleman, John McCain has “nowhere else to go.” All he’s got left is the race card. And he’s now shown his willingness to play it. To reach out and stoke that ember of fear and bigotry that still lingers in this country like an elusive cancer cell. Not that he’ll come right out and say it. That would be undignified. The low-standard bearer in this effort is his political trophy wife, Chatty Cathy. Just load in the phrases, pull the string, and she’ll say anything.

Witness the dishonorable discharge dripping out of the campaign. “He’s not one of us.” “He doesn’t see America like you and me.” “Barrack Hussein.” “He’s pallin’ around with terrorists.” “He’s different.” “He has a funny name.” (“Don’t trust the black guy. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.”) Look at the hatred it engenders from the crowds. And watch the candidates smirk as they do nothing to quell it. Because they want it. This is shameful. Yes, politics is a dirty business. But this should be beneath us.

It is sad, in a way, to witness someone’s descent into the abyss as he becomes his own agent of intolerance. Yet, to paraphrase the senator: the fundamentals of our democracy are strong. The system has weathered the storms of demagoguery from the Joe McCarthys and Nixons and been able to right itself. I suppose that’s why Churchill said that democracy was the worst form of government…except for all the rest. But democracy is only as stable as the hands in which its been entrusted at any given moment in history. Hopefully, it will be placed in Barack Obama’s hands. And whatever Faustian bargain McCain’s struck that’s lead him to eschew honor and decency to win at all costs will become a matter for him and his shrink, his bartender, or his croupier.

 

THE SCHLOCKY MOM

For Republicans to celebrate with the rallying cry: "She didn't fuck up!" is more than a little sad. Last night was the Senator from Delaware vs. the Governor from Stepford. She grinned like an idiot. Trotted out the folksy, aw shucks bullshit. It was all false and contrived. From her initital handshake, she was simply following orders. The only thing she was missing was a moonshine jug, a washboard, and some overalls.

She tried to land that same talking point about Obama voting to raise taxes on people making 42k. Every time she or McCain tries it the other side beats it back. But they don't stop. Repeat a lie enough times, it'll get legs.

She yanked out that "negotiating with our enemies without preconditions" as if it was tantamount to treason, though no one bothers to define what that means. In terms of negotiating with enemies, I'm surprised Biden didn't mention that Condi Rice recently sat down with Khadafi, the Saddam of his day, without the precondition of having him pay reparations to the families who lost loved ones in Locherbie.

Another snide comment that didn't even draw flack when she characterized Obama's tax plan as a "redistribution of wealth." Unless I'm wrong, wasn't that the first cut on the Greatest Hits of Karl Marx album? Was she giving a little shout out to the lunatic fringe, Michigan militia types?

And talking about pulling out of Iraq as "the white flag of surrender" is just jingoistic nonsense. I wish he'd called her on a naive interpretation of a complex issue. Somehow we have to get beyond the "winning and losing" mentality if we're going to have an intelligent, informed discussion. It's not WWII. But they must figure it's red meat for the base.

She followed her instructions not to answer a question she didn't want to answer. Just spit back talking points. Though noticeable by their absence, no "no thanks on the bridge to Nowhere." No "sold the plane on Ebay." Meet the new lies, same as the old lies. I was glad Biden tried to debunk that Maverick bullshit. Where do you get the balls to refer to yourself as a "maverick" unless you're James Garner and played one on TV?

I thought it was very telling that when she went to her party rally afterward, she inititated the "U.S.A! U.S.A! chant. When in doubt, wave the flag and get the group mentality going. It allows you to speak without saying anything.

In all, I didn't believe a word she said because she was just an actress off-book. She had no business being on the same stage with Biden, nor criticizing Obama. She's outclassed. And outgunned, intellectually. When Biden spoke, he spoke from experience. He had facts because he knows them and understands them. She regurgitated talking points and flashed that moronic grin because that's what she was programmed to do in the Republican lab where she was created. She is still the Miss Alaska contestant giving her "how I would make the world a better place" speech. She is Bush with lipstick and, so far, it seems the public isn't buying the bullshit.

PALIN VS. BIDEN: GET...READY...TO...STUM-BLE!!!

There’s an old joke about a guy’s wife walking in on him in bed with another woman. When confronted, the guy denies it, saying: “who are you going to believe, me or your lyin’ eyes?” It’s with the same degree of reality-denying hubris that Sarah Palin strides into tonight’s debate, as if any snarky remarks or any degree of post-debate spin can undo all the babbling, the lies, and the childishly amateur evasion when she simply doesn’t have the knowledge or experience to answer a direct question.

 

They can piss and moan about gotcha journalism. Trick questions. Nobody busted her. Not Charlie Gibson. Not born-again journalist Katie Couric. Sarah the Moose Killer outed herself, not by choice, but simply because that’s who she is. A small timer who tried to inject her brand of  gooey charm and folksy nonsense into an arena where the future of the world hangs in the balance. A minor league ballplayer with dreams of the big show but none of the talent.

 

But still that doesn’t stop the news chatter. How will she do? How will it play? Will she trip up? Will she recapture that Klondike charm that so endeared her to the nitwit base? Will Biden get too tough and make it seem like he’s picking on her? Nothing like a little reverse sexism to start off the most important vice presidential debate in recent history.

 

They can and will analyze this all night long. But it doesn’t matter how she does tonight. It’s not a football game in the sense that, on any given Thursday, any candidate can outdebate any other candidate. We don’t have to wait for the results to see who she is. It’s absolutely clear who she is. A campaign gimmick. A petty bureaucrat with a voice so shrill it could shatter glass who’s been swept up in a wave of self-delusion to think she belongs where she is. Now, the McCain campaign is, I’m sure, already declaring victory so they can trot out the “she’s a maverick” line of bullshit they had at the convention and run with it again, as if it could whitewash the last few weeks and give them new legs. Or maybe they’ve just boxed themselves into a corner where dumping her would’ve proven too risky so they’re stuck, and just hope to get through this with as little bloodletting as possible so they can try to revive their faltering campaign as the Obama tidal wave rolls in against them.

 

Maybe she’ll get through it tonight without looking like a fool. Maybe she’ll get off a couple of over-rehearsed cutesy remarks and hold up a big foam finger, look to camera and shriek: “I’m going to Disneyland!” It doesn’t matter. It’s not the best four out of seven World Series. It’s the Super Bowl. It’s already been played. And she’s already lost. 

A RESPONSE TO THE HILLARY SUPPORTER WHO COMMENTED ON MY PREVIOUS POST.

I am writing this off the top of my head so I don't have Obama's CV in front of me, nor am I going to look it up. I'm just going to go off of what I know, and off my impressions of the man. 

First off, what qualifies someone to be President? Years of government service? Governorship of a state? A stellar military record? Or is it just the individual? Not to be snarky, because if Hillary had won I would've happily supported her, but what were her unique qualifications? From the moment she carpetbagged her way to NY I knew she was running for the White House. But I figured that was fine, Bobby Kennedy did it. Has she spend that many more years in the senate than Obama? And how long was JFK in the senate before he ran? And before that? She was First Lady. Is that a qualification? It would certainly be a first. 35 years experience? C'mon, that was campaign hype, but it didn't matter to me because I knew she was smart. Ok, ambitious, but what politician isn't? And she's tough. Frankly, there are times I think Obama should've chosen her and made the ticket sexier, and more of a juggernaut. But then McCain would've chosen Mitt or someone like him and it would've been the two white guys against the chick and the black guy and they would've framed their attack differently. 

Now, I'm far from a presidential historian but let's go back to the question: what qualifies someone to be President? Years of government service? By that measure, Strom Thurmond would've been sensational. Also gave us Bush I. Governor of a state? Reagan, Carter, and Clinton. Military record? Eisenhower. Ulysses Grant. Whether you think those were successful presidencies probably depends on your political stripes. 

As for Obama himself. He's a lawyer. Editor of the Harvard Law Review and a professor of Constitutional Law. That makes him someone who has knowledge of and, in theory, respect for the law. (I think Nixon was a lawyer, so...) Obama also worked in the community when he could've cashed in that degree for Wall Street. Was he building his street cred or just doing good works? Years in the Illinois state senate, followed by his term in the U.S. senate. To me that makes him knowledgeable about how the system works which was eventually Lyndon Johnson's chief weapon as president, which helped him push through many JFK programs. But beyond that I think it's just the intelligence he demonstrates and compassion and basic human decency he exudes. It's beyond simple eloquence. I believe he is a person of his word. All of which, after the last 8 years is a refreshing change. 

Which takes me to one last point: maybe it's just the right person for the times. Eisenhower fit the 50s post-war boom. Though one might question his choice of VP. Some presidents unite, as Roosevelt did in his time. Others, like Nixon, stir flames of discontent and divide. Again, a piss poor VP choice. Ford. Right man to heal the wounds of Watergate. A decent guy, so it seemed. Carter, again a Nixon backlash, and someone who still doesn't get the credit he deserves, at least for the Camp David Accords and trying to heal the Middle East. It takes a statesman to look beyond present hostilities and try to do the unthinkable to solve a fundamental problem. Reagan? A joke or the man who ended the Cold War, depending on your pov. Clinton? No national experience but, other than the obvious, an intelligent, forceful leader. The last 8 years have sucked the blood out of the country. I think Obama is a healer.

In short, that's why I support him. I don't think there's a model resume for the job. It's a combination of background, education, intelligence, grasp of the issues, vision, ability to communicate, toughness, compassion, honesty, and basic human decency. To me, those are his qualifications that go beyond the number of years he's been in the senate or the specific bi-partisan bills he's drafted or supported. By that measure, I think he could be a great president. And by the same measure, McCain would be 8 more years of disaster. 

And, finally, a related afterthought: Could you imagine the campaign Rove and Company would have run if they were campaigning against an 8-year Democratic incumbent with the Bush record? It would've been like a school of Piranha devouring a pig... with lipstick.

THE AMERICRAT!

GOP show horse, Sarah Palin’s recent gaffe-fest proved two things: one: it’s hard out there for a simp. And two:

SHE’S NOT QUALIFIED TO BE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!

Still, it seems Mr. and Mrs. Maverick ain’t gonna blink. Instead, she’s been whisked off into the witless protection program and ensconced at her pimp’s crib in Arizona, where she crams for Thursday’s debate, surrounded by handlers, being spoon fed facts and talking points, all under the proud and watchful eye of Johnny Mac, who proved two things in choosing her as a running mate: that he’s got brains the size of peanuts and balls the size of planets. Meanwhile, the Repug flacks have taken to the public highways to set the bar so low that unless she walks onstage wearing a Che Guevara T shirt and takes a dump on the flag, her performance will be declared a raging success. And with days to go, the dominant news chatter is all about how she’ll do, toe-to-toe with Joe Biden. Will she be able to express herself coherently? Will she hold her own? Will she be able to demonstrate a command of the issues and challenges facing our great nation? But the truth is: it doesn’t matter how she does, because…

SHE’S NOT QUALIFIED TO BE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!

They could coach her from now until the end times. They could mind-meld her with Christiane Amanpour, Madeline Albright, Doris Kearns Goodwin, and the ghosts of Eleanor Roosevelt, Barbara Jordan, and Golda Meir…She could come out Thursday night scatting the Constitution, along with the collected works of Arnold Toynbee, John Kenneth Galbraith, and Benjamin Franklin, while armpit-farting the Stars and Stripes, and twirling red, white and blue flaming batons, with a piccolo stuck up her ass playing the Star Spangled Banner, while tap dancing morse code coordinates of Bin Laden’s hideout, waving semaphore flags articulating Justice Warren’s majority decision in Brown v. Topeka Board of Education, then toss off her glasses, shake out her hair and rip off her dress revealing a Wonderwoman suit, spin around in mid air then burst into flames and explode in a July 4^th fireworks finale while shooting red, white and blue triplets out of her vagina, who spin in the air and land one on top of another with the top one holding lady liberty’s torch and wearing her crown, while Sarah lands on her feet behind the podium and, in a final flourish, brings peace to the Middle East and cures Cancer… And it still wouldn’t matter because…

SHE’S NOT QUALIFIED TO BE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!

But, you know, who am I to judge? So, best of luck. Give ‘em hell. Break a leg, shoot a moose, or whatever they say up there. And fyi, it’s pronounced mah-MOOD ah-mad-in-uh-ZHAAD.

 

 

SAY GOODNIGHT, GRACIE. (WITH APOLOGIES TO GRACIE ALLEN)

Bye, Sarah. After the latest Katie Couric interview/non sequitir festival, Ms. Squawking Points has officially outed herself as way too much of an imbecile to keep on the ticket. Even with those furtive glances down at her cheat sheets, she still couldn’t cobble together a coherent response to any question, let alone the one asked by Ms. Couric about the bailout. “It’s the economics…and the job creation…and the trade…which we can’t look at as scary…” Holy fucking crap. Unless McCain’s handlers are equally as imbecilic, which is possible but not likely, they must realize the spin cycle on this one is broken and there’s no time to call tech support or send her back to the factory. She’s gone before the Veep debate.

 

There’s no way in hell they’re not behind closed doors crafting her exit strategy. Among the choices: family emergency, sick kid, husband has heart attack, most likely at the same Alaska hospital where she gave birth. But, I don’t think they’ll go this way. It’s too thin. I think the only way here is to destroy her. The evidence is already floating on the periphery: Troopergate, the bridges and roads to Nowhere, her friend the witch doctor, I see Russia from my house, the alleged affair with the husband’s co-worker, the Miss Alaska swimsuit footage. Instead of pushing it away as unsubstantiated allegations, tawdry rumor and cheap shots, they just have to take the opposite approach and subtly allow it to get to the forefront while offering the illusion of a defense. Just get out the evidence and let the media poke holes in the boat. Then, once she’s good and debased, debunked, and humiliated, other than from opening her mouth and attempting to speak sentences that attach to one another to form coherent thoughts, she will withdraw from the ticket for the good of the party and the country. There’s no way they put her in the room with Biden. It’s suicide. Which would be fine with me. Kill the monsters any way you can. But these people are not suicidal. Evil. Just not suicidal. 

 

The question is: who’s the replacement and what’s the new story? Giuliani? The two tough guys hit the road? Keeping America safe? No, he scares people. Lieberman? No. Even though they’ve been holding hands all week in D.C., he’s still a Jew and other than as bit players in The End Times Theatre production of Apocalypse Soon, the base don’t like Jews. Huckabee? Possible. Though I think it’s Romney. Former governor, so he’s got the experience thing. Mormon, which sort of covers the base. But most of all, the business thing. With the economy going to shit, and Johnny Mac’s economic credibility as thin as Freddie Mac’s, he’ll bring on the business guy, who can talk economics. Plus, he’s got relative youth, hair, the big Osmond-looking family. The picture will work. And he’s already been on the big stage. No learning curve. He’s ready to lie on Day 1.

 

So…bye, Sarah. Have a nice trip back to Alaska. The wolves will be nervous. But the rest of us may rest a bit easier. Though, I would’ve given anything to see the debate. 

SENATOR MCCAIN: YOU WERE RIGHT TO SUSPEND YOUR CAMPAIGN. YOU SHOULD SUSPEND IT. PERMANENTLY.

Senator McCain: At this point, only two things are possible: you know exactly what you’re doing, in which case you’re the most arrogant, calculating, power mad son of a bitch ever to strut upon the national stage. Or, you don’t know what you’re doing in which case you have absolutely no business running for President. Either way, you’re starting to embarrass yourself. So why not just quit? Concede the election. Spare us the pain of having to sweat out the results and spare your advisors the pain of trying to figure out how to rig them. The country has suffered enough the past 8 years. We’re hurting. If you’re truly a patriot, let it go. Senator Obama can take it from here. He’s smart. He’s ready. And he remembers what he stands for. Imagine how relaxing it would be not to have to remember all those talking points and irritating facts, like knowing one country from another, when you were a regulator or deregulator. Or even when you were regular, for that matter. You don’t know what you’re for or against from one day to the next but yet you bellow and bleat your opinions and pound your fist with equal ferocity for completely contradictory assertions. (Fyi, when you break out in that insane smile, it makes my 5-month-old son bust out crying, so you’re already frightening the next generation of voters.) Before it all gets any more degrading, quit. Retire to one of your 9 houses and tend one of your 9 gardens. I imagine you like gardening. Or take a drive in one of your 13 cars. Or better yet, go on a fact-finding mission back to Vietnam and see if you can find your honor ‘cause if the way you’ve conducted your campaign is any indication, apparently that’s the last time you had it. So, enough. Just quit. And send that combination frontier hooker, Stepford wife and born again house plant back to Alaska before she even gets close to Washington. The stakes are too high. And she’s not qualified to wield power in Washington. She’s not qualified to visit Washington. She’s not qualified to see a movie with Denzel Washington.  That you actually selected this snarky, avaricious petty bureaucrat as your running mate, and then tried to convince anyone who’s ever been within spitting distance of an original thought or the most rudimentary powers of observation that she was qualified to hold national office demonstrates an irresponsibility bordering on treason, as her ascendance to that position would most certainly give aid and comfort to our enemies. Or maybe just hysterical fits of laughter. (Is that your plan to get Bin Laden? Have him laugh himself to death?) Please stop. Your party has circled the wagons and has begun shooting at each other. Stop the bleeding. Don’t debate. Don’t fundraise. Don’t campaign. Stop running these disgusting commercials before they devolve any deeper into the mud. The Congress will sort out this financial mess without you. Go home. Putter around the house. If it gets you off, fire a cook or a driver. You know, people you actually can fire. If you need to keep a hand in local politics, write an angry letter to the local paper about potholes or long lines at the DMV. On July 4^th you can get one of those boater hats and be the grand marshall in a local parade. You like to wave at people. Or, if you feel you have unfinished business in politics, wait until Bush’s term is over and go kick him in the nuts for swiftboating you 8 years ago when maybe you had enough dignity to run an honorable campaign. But now it’s time to stop. At some point we all have to come to terms with the fact that we might not realize all our ambitions. You must be tired. Take a well-earned rest.  Before it just gets sad. For all of us.