MADONNA GOES SHOPPING FOR ANOTHER BLACK KID

Madonna’s private plane landed in Malawi so that she could bring home another black kid. Apparently, she’s not satisfied with just the one. Maybe it’s a matched set kind of thing. Or maybe she’s trying to paper the house for her next movie premiere. Or maybe, just maybe it’s part of a friendly competition between her, Mia Farrow, and Angelina Jolie, over who can adopt their own U.N. When I was growing up, everyone collected baseball cards. We’d sit on the porch and play “got ‘im, need ‘im,” which went along the lines of someone naming a player and everyone flipping through their stack to see whether they had ‘im, or needed ‘im. Is that what this is?

 

African kid?

Madonna: Got ‘im.

Mia: Got ‘im.

Angelina: Got ‘im.

 

Asian Kid?

Angelina: Got ‘im.

Madonna: Need ‘im.

Mia: Got ‘im.

 

Adopted white kid?

Angelina: Need ‘im.

Madonna: Need ‘im.

Mia: Got ‘im.

 

Natural White Kid?

Angelina: Got ‘im.

Mia: Got ‘im.

Madonna: Got ‘im.

 

And from there it just goes on…

Still with the father of the natural white kid?

Angelina: Got ‘im.

Mia: Need ‘im.

Madonna: Need ‘im.

 

Film career?

Madonna: Need it.

Mia: Had it. Need ‘it.

Angelina: Got it.

 

Pseudo religious affectation to show I’m not a filthy rich narcissist but truly

a spiritual person?

Mia: Need it.

Angelina: Need it.

Madonna: Got it.

 

Genius filmmaker ex husband/boyrfriend?

Angelina: Did you see Slingblade?…

Madonna: Did you see  Into The Wild? Did you see Snatch?…

Mia: What, are you fucking kidding me?

 

Ridiculously young boyfriend to show I’ve still got it?

Mia: Need it.

Madonna: Got it.

Angelina: What, are you fucking kidding me?

 

 

 

When Did This Become America?

When did this become America? Coarse, crass, and crude. Long on attitude and opinion, short on knowledge and substance.

 

When did this become America? Bloated. Corpulent. Engorged on its over-fed appetites.

 

When did this become America? With bellicose porcine grunting replacing intelligent discourse. Where the desire is not to communicate, but to incite.

 

When did this become America? Blind to the difference between righteousness and self-righteousness. Flailing against any human weakness, yet blind to its own addictions.

 

When did this become America? Greedy, selfish, intolerant. Where the lust for power supersedes the desire for communal prosperity, as if we lived in independent spheres, sucking on our individual fortunes. Where pulling oneself up necessitates keeping someone else down.

 

When did this become America? Bellicose. Belligerent. Afraid of intelligent dialogue and shouting down dissent.

 

When did this become America? Brash, stubborn. Snorting anger like some incensed bull under the purported intention of voicing the popular rage.

 

This is not America. This is the American disease. 

SEPARATED AT BIRTH?

President Obama vs. The Republican Party -- Dumb Motherfuckers Just Don't Know When They're Beat.

OH...MY...GOD!

God and Jesus have elephant ears. And Kurt Warner is a 6-year-old child. Who knew?

Pope-rah

This guy’s ambition is only matched by Sarah Palin’s delusion. Between her 2012 PAC and Blago’s TV blagorrhea, they’ve got a real Bonnie and Clyde media blitz going. But their combined hubris doesn’t even touch Warren’s. First he put the candidates through his Purpose Driven litmus test, then he played the inauguration, blond hair dye and all. Now he’s got a magazine. Grab a copy from your local newsstand for total life advice from America’s most well-fed holy man.

 

The Purpose Driven Cook Book! What Would Jesus Eat?

 

7 Purpose Driven Sex Tips: It’s Not Just For Fun Anymore. Call it The Calmer Sutra!

 

10 Purpose Driven Investments: Jesus Saves, and Invests for Long-Term Growth!

 

Purpose Driven Food Products: You love whole milk! How about Holy Milk! Not only Pasteurized. It’s Pastor-ized! Builds Strong Bones and Even Stronger Souls!

 

Purpose Driven Fast Food: Check out our Eternally Happy Meals!

 

8 Purpose Driven Relationship Hints! Jesus: He’s Always Into You!

 

Purpose Driven Retirement Planning: Is Your 401K Rapture-Ready?

 

The Purpose Driven Full Body Workout Machine: Not Just a Life-cycle, but an Afterlife Cycle!

Jesus #12 by Clairol.

Did anyone notice that Rick Warren' hair was a bit more blond than usual? Compare the two pictures. This arrogant bastard dyed his hair for the inaugural. Didn't the Bible have a few things to say about vanity?