Springtime for Palin?

“President Palin.” Rupert Murdoch’s masturbatory mantra, and the rest of the country’s nightmare. The polls say it can’t happen. That she’s a joke as a national candidate, with no support outside the Tea Party. But there hasn’t been a major news broadcast in the last two years that hasn’t touched on the question: “will she or won’t she run for president.” Unfortunately, not one seems to touch on the question: “is she smart enough to be president.” The simple answer is no. The more subtle answer is: it may not matter.

Republicans have no problem with stupid. The previous “not smart enough to be president” is presently on his revisionist history book tour. For several election cycles in the 70s, most people were in disbelief that "that idiot Ronald Reagan" was running again. In a reality show world, where talent is no longer a prerequisite for fame, intelligence is no longer a prerequisite for elected office. It has been trumped by raw ambition. And Palin is a person whose intelligence is inversely proportional to her ambition. Despite the fact that she’s yet to make a speech that wasn’t a litany of stock phrases and belligerent taunts delivered in a voice so shrill it sounds like a dolphin that got its dick slammed in a car door, she has touched a nerve with the great unwashed. Republican women wish they looked like her. Republican men wished their wives looked like her. It seems a wink is as good as a nod to a blind electorate.

But her limitations haven’t stopped her. Humility has no place in her world. You can see it in her eyes: she wants it. But that’s ok, because Republicans also have no problem with lust for power. Palin was delivered to us by a man who wanted the presidency so bad, he sold his soul more often than Max Bialystock sold shares in Springtime for Hitler. And Palin’s lust for power goes beyond McCain’s mere ambition. Hers touches on megalomania. She thinks her creator is opening doors for her. She thinks she’s the anointed one. Consider her near incomprehensible resignation speech, in which she told the people of Alaska that she could work for them more effectively out of office. To most people it just seemed like a self-serving line of bullshit. But, in her mind, she was telling the truth. In her mind, she needed to free herself from the limitations of state office to set the stage for her run at national office. Once elected, she would be serving the entire country – including Alaska. See? She can better serve them out of the governor’s office.

Elections are responses to the times. It’s likely that the next two years will show some economic growth, though it’s unlikely that we’ll hit outright prosperity. It’s certain, however, that the fault for any economic problems will be laid at the feet of the president and Democrats, and the credit for any economic gains will be usurped by the Republicans. It will be a simple message that the Republicans will hammer over and over. And one thing Republicans know how to do is stay on message. The last two years have been nothing but Republicans lighting bags of dogshit, and Democrats continually trying to stomp them out. And despite the fact that Palin will get carved up for caribou steaks during the primary debates, if she manages to smirk her way to a nomination, the party will fall in line behind her. Because if there’s another thing Republicans know how to do, it’s fall in line. The North Korean army looks at the Republicans and marvels at their ability to march in lockstep. 

Now, you can console yourself with the thought that, sure, Christine O’Donnell didn’t win. And Sharron Angle didn’t win. But they were nominated. And as unintelligent as Palin is, she’s not O’Donnell dumb. And she’s not Angle reckless. By the time she makes a run at the presidency, she’ll have accumulated four more years of popularity via her “books,” speeches, reality show, and Fox cheerleaders. She'll also probably absorb a modicum of fancy book learnin’. She’ll learn the names of a few national newspapers. She’ll cipher a few economic stats, some energy and foreign policy clichés. And she probably won’t accept another collect call from the President of France.

Sure, most thinking Americans think she’s unelectable. And many Democrats secretly hope she’s the nominee. After all, on the national stage, she’s a sure failure. Then again, so was Springtime for Hitler. 

DECONSTRUCTING GOD ON AUDIO!

LINK ON AMAZON GETS YOU TO AUDIBLE.COM. OR YOU CAN FIND IT ON EBAY.

http://www.amazon.com/Deconstructing-God-Heretics-Case-Religion/dp/B0041GDHA4/ref=tmm_aud_title_0?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&qid=1289351601&sr=8-2

DEFINITIVE PROOF OF EVOLUTION.

GLENN BECK CLAIMED THAT EVOLUTION 

CAN'T BE REAL BECAUSE

WE'VE NEVER SEEN A 

HALF MAN/HALF APE CREATURE.

THIS DO IT FOR YOU, GLENN?

20 Post-Midterm Questions

1)    If the 2010 midterm Republican victories represent the “voice of the American people to which the Democrats need to listen,” why didn’t the 2006 and 2008 Democratic victories represent the voice of the American people to which Republicans needed to listen?

2)    If keeping the Bush tax cuts is necessary to pull the country out of an economic slump, how did the country go into an economic slump when the Bush tax cuts were in place?

3)    If the cause of the near economic collapse was naïve homebuyers who took mortgages they couldn’t afford or understand, why didn’t we solve the problem by bailing them out, instead of bailing out Wall Street investment bankers who should have been smart enough to understand the risks they were taking, along with the potential consequences? If Wall Street is a casino, apparently it’s a casino where you get your money back if you lose. Is Albert Brooks advising Tim Geithner? 

4)    If Obama bailing out GM was a government takeover of the auto industry, why wasn’t bailing out Chrysler a government takeover of the auto industry?

5)    Why is it when Democrats try to pass health care reform they’re “shoving it down the throats of the American people” but when Republicans refuse to compromise they’re “sticking to their principles?”

6)    Which part of Obamacare do Republicans hate more: the “Obama” part, or the “care” part?

7)    Do Republicans get sick? And do they think that if health insurance reform is repealed that their insurance companies will reward them for their loyalty by not dropping them or reducing their coverage if and when they get sick? And will this lead us back to the old system, in which your insurance company covers you for everything except what happens to you?

8)    If the Canadian and British health care systems are so bad, why aren’t all Canadians and British people dead?

9)    Where are the Death Panels and can you nominate people?

10) If Democrats offer solutions to problems and Republicans univocally say “no,” why is that “Washington gridlock” instead of Republican obstructionism?

11) How can anyone look at Rand Paul and not feel that he’s got the crazy eyes of an aspiring dictator?

12) How can anyone look at Michele Bachmann and not feel she’s got the crazy eyes of a psycho lover who drove cross country wearing a diaper to get back her man?

13) Why is it when Ed Muskie “cried” in 1972 it showed him as weak and cost him his candidacy, but when Weeper of the House Boehner blubbers on camera he’s an honest, hard-working guy who’s trying to choke back his emotions?

14) Where is John Boehner’s birth certificate? I haven’t seen it. And is that tan from American sun? It looks Mediterranean bronze to me. A little troubling for someone in line for the presidency. I think the American people deserve answers.

15) Can we have literacy tests for candidates in which they need to demonstrate a basic understanding of American history and the roots of democracy, along with being able to name at least one Supreme Court judge and the title of a newspaper?

16) Can we establish “bullshit boards” during campaigns so that when candidates toss around loaded phrases like “social security is unconstitutional” or “the president is a socialist/fascist/communist,” the board issues a ruling on whether these statements are factual? For each untrue statement a candidate is given a “bullshit point.” Five bullshit points and you’re out of the race.

17) How can Rick Perry be interviewed on The Today Show as a possible presidential candidate in 2012 when he seriously promoted the idea of Texas seceding from the nation?

18) Would anyone mind if Texas seceded from the nation? And could they just leave Austin behind?

19) If God was behind Sharron Angle’s and Christine O’Donnell’s campaigns, did the people of Nevada and Delaware defy God by not electing them? And aren’t they concerned about displeasing Him? And couldn’t He have just rigged the voting machines to make sure His candidates won? Or is it possible Angle and O’Donnell were simply delusional?

20) Is “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” the title of her upcoming TLC reality show or is it what she officially renamed the state right before resigning from office?

Waiting For Stupidman

Levi Johnson made a recent appearance on Lawrence O'Donnell's show. Responding to a list of questions asked of his almost mother-in-law during the 2008 campaign, he grinned his way through a series of non-responses, proving himself to be a most affable idiot, while making his almost MIL look intelligent by comparison -- no small accomplishment. Not since Jethro Bodine stomped the halls of a Beverly Hills mansion has such an engaging lunkhead been on the public scene. But at least he's only running for mayor of Wasilla, not Vice President or (insert prayer to God of your choice) President.

And at least Levi didn't take himself seriously. He knew his limitations. Unlike the series of thugs, dingbats, morons, and lunatics who have become the modern face of the GOP. They've certainly come a long way: From "I am not a crook" to "I am not a witch." There's "social security is unconstitutional" Joe Miller, and his private security goons "arresting" a blogger. Headless Sharron "Funny, you don't look Hispanic" Angle with her Second Amendment remedies. Spiritual dilettante and professional nincompoop Christine O'Donnell. Pornmeister/gay-hater Carl Palladino. And behind them all, the Tea Party Queen of Hearts -- Sarah Palin. And apparently God's behind all of them. O'Donnell says God is guiding her campaign. God's working on Angle's campaign. God's opening doors for Sarah Palin. Apparently, God's got a real hard-on for stupid white women.

We've always had a fringe element in politics: crooks, poseurs, dopes, powermongers. For every Ted Kennedy or Barbara Jordan, there's been a Joe Wilson, Joe Miller, or Joe McCarthy. But despite whatever power they may have amassed, they've never constituted an entire movement. Until now. But that's because of the way we tend to think in this country, which amounts to reducing every argument, no matter how subtle, to basic black and white. More often than not, we have no idea what we're for; but we know damn well what we're against. And since life is never perfect, there's always something to be against. Clean cut Jimmy Carter was a breath of fresh air after Watergate. Reagan was a reaction to Carter inflation and malaise, along with the fact that we weren't feeling fabulous enough so we wanted someone to blow air up our skirts. Obama was a reaction to Bush incompetence and a tanking economy. Right doesn't work, go left. Left lands you in a ditch, or doesn't pull you out fast enough, go right. And that's how we got the Tea Party. We're unhappy. Things aren't getting better fast enough. We feel we've been mislead. Lied to. We feel we've been cheated on 'cause all that hope and change didn't come fast enough. So, we go out and find someone new. The Tea Party is America's revenge fuck. And now we're poised to elect some of the dumbest, nastiest, meanest people we can find, forgetting to consider for even a moment that it was mean, greedy, and stupid that put us in this mess, so why would mean, greedy, and stupid take us out?

Unfortunately, this administration has been complicit in the rise of this "movement." They have always had a problem with optics. From the moment they took office, and the systematic demonizing of the President and his policies rang out from every GOP corner, they just let it happen. They allowed the Republicans to define them, in the most idiotic ways, and they didn't slap them back, perhaps thinking that governing was more important than politics. But this is just another version of black and white thinking. Governing and politics are inextricably connected. What is true becomes untrue if people can be made to think it's untrue. Health care reform can become "death panels." Not renewing the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy can become "tax increases for everyone." To allow one side to take health insurance reform and turn it into a negative called "Obamacare" is criminal enough. But what is even more criminal is that no one stood up and even tried to slap them back by asking: which part don't you like: the Obama part or the care part? The optics affect how people think. And how people think, or can be lead to think, translates to how they vote. And how they vote changes the balance of power and the ability to govern. Dick Armey has done a masterful PR job. And the administration has allowed it to happen.

But for all the Annie Oakley tough chick talk about "momma grizzlies," "growing a pair," "putting on man pants," and "manning up," the tea party chicks are cowards. They're playing it safe by only playing to the base, afraid to come out from behind mommy's skirt and engage in actual dialogue on a Sunday morning talk show where legitimate non-Fox reporters may ask substantive questions and not tolerate answers that reek of pre-rehearsed, pre-fab bullshit. But part of that problem is that Democrats allow this silly rhetoric to go unchallenged. When Sharron Angle hit Senator Reid with her latest "man up" crack, he allowed this inane, schoolyard taunt to linger in the air. This is why democrats get so pissed off. Their representatives don't know how to fight. They allowed the Willie Horton ads. Swift-boating. The despicable campaign against Max Cleland in Georgia. This kind of nonsense cannot go unchallenged. If I were Harry Reid, my response would have been the following:

Angle: "Man up, Harry Reid."
Reid: "No. How about "smarten up" Ms. Angle. We have serious problems in this state, and in this country, that need to be dealt with by serious people who have an understanding of the subtleties involved. I have spent years in the senate working with people on both sides of the aisle to pass important legislation. I understand how the senate works. Eight years of venal stupidity put our economy on the brink of another great depression. It was averted, and the economy is turning around. Only a child looks at that problem and whines about the lack of instant gratification. In government, experience and intelligence are virtues. And the litany of inane comments that have come out of your mouth clearly demonstrate that you have neither, which render you uniquely unqualified to be a member of the United States Senate."

That's what I would have said. It would have shown balls. It would have shown character. It would have shut this moron the fuck up. It would have been picked up in the media. It would have raised Reid's stock and tipped the scale in a crucial election. But that's not what happened.

When Al Franken was about to take his Senate seat, "global warming's not real, God is still in control of the world" Senator James Inhofe remarked: "Well, it looks like we're getting the clown." And all I could think of at the time was that if the subject is "clowns in the senate" then Franken's going to have some pretty big shoes to fill. Based on how the midterms are shaping up, they'd better hire a fleet of tiny cars 'cause the circus may be coming to town.

In Memoriam

I was in NY this weekend for my high school reunion and a friend and I took a walk around the city Saturday and ended up near the Dakota, where I took this cell phone picture. All I could think of was that, for the damage he's done to a person and his family, and to atone for all the music that might have been, every day of his life, Mark David Chapman should have to stick his head out of his cell, like Steve McQueen in Papillon, and have the entire prison population line up and, one by one, punch the fucker in the head.

REDESIGN/QUERY

I redesigned the blog as a test to see if anyone's reading this. If so, please place a comment, and let me know. And please check out my book: Deconstructing God -- A Heretic's Case for Religion. Thanks.