Trump's Non-Acceptance Speech -- English Translation

After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the Presidency.

My advisors told me I don't have a shot in hell of winning.

This decision does not come easily or without regret; especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country.

I had a momentary spike in the polls when I started shooting my mouth off then my numbers dropped into the toilet when people actually listened to what I was saying.

I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election.

I am fucking delusional.

I have spent the past several months unofficially campaigning and recognize that running for public office cannot be done half heartedly.

At the Correspondents Dinner Seth Meyers and President Obama made me look like the douchebag I am  in front of the whole country, and I couldn't even fire them.

Ultimately, however, business is my greatest passion and I am not ready to leave the private sector.

I'm a money-hungry bastard.

I want to personally thank the millions of Americans who have joined the various Trump grassroots movements and written me letters and e-mails encouraging me to run.

There were no organizations. There were also no investigators in Hawaii checking into birth certificates. I'm a lying sack of shit.

My gratitude for your faith and trust in me could never be expressed properly in words.

I'm illiterate.

So, I make you this promise: that I will continue to voice my opinions loudly and help to shape our politician’s thoughts.

... by hosting Celebrity Apprentice, just picked up for another season on NBC.

My ability to bring important economic and foreign policy issues to the forefront of the national dialogue is perhaps my greatest asset and one of the most valuable services I can provide to this country. 

Which is why I hit the birther bullshit, questioned the president's academic record, and called the Chinese motherfuckers. Because in my foreign policy experience, all one billion Chinese enjoy being called "motherfuckers."It's a compliment in their culture.  

I will continue to push our President and the country’s policy makers to address the dire challenges arising from our unsustainable debt structure and increasing lack of global competitiveness.

In case you missed the Republican talking points, the password is "unsustainable."

Issues, including getting tough on China

...by calling them motherfuckers.

and other countries that are methodically and systematically taking advantage of the United States, were seldom mentioned before I brought them to the forefront of the country’s conversation.

Yes. Shipping jobs overseas, our trade imbalance, and the shoddy, occasionally toxic nature of Chinese manufactured products hasn't come up at all in public debate.

They are now being debated vigorously. I will also continue to push for job creation

...by firing people on Celebrity Apprentice, now picked up for the 2012 season on NBC.

, an initiative that should be this country’s top priority and something that I know a lot about.

Hey, I even hired my two incompetent kids as judges on Celebrity Apprentice, now picked up for the 2012 season on NBC.

I will not shy away from expressing the opinions that so many of you share yet don’t have a medium through which to articulate.

I have a big fucking mouth and opinions as silly as my hair.

I look forward to supporting the candidate who is the most qualified to help us tackle our country’s most important issues and am hopeful that, when this person emerges, he or she will have the courage to take on the challenges of the Office and be the agent of change that this country so desperately needs

I will sit there and eat shit when Barack Obama takes the oath of office for his second term.

Thank you and God Bless America!

You have to say that at the end of the speech. Me -- I fired God. I looked at God and said: "You're not up to the job as project manager. God-- you're fired."