With reports of a 7-figure advance, and allegations even more shocking than those mentioned in Scott McClellan’s recent memoir, the President has announced that he will personally pen a shocking expose of the Bush administration, alluding to bombshell revelations that the President purposefully mislead the American public into a tragic, costly war, intentionally ducked any responsibility for the victims of Katrina, stole the 2000 election in Florida, fired federal prosecutors based on political loyalty, outed Valerie Plame and participated in the subsequent cover-up. While admitting his personal affection for the President, the President stated that the tone of the book would be scathing, generally accusing the President of being the most uneducated, unprepared, shallow, hypocritical, mendacious President in U.S. history, a discredit to the office, and an embarrassment to the nation.
The President immediately responded to news of the upcoming book, saying that any wild allegations about the President’s performance in office are completely unfounded, and are obviously made on behalf of someone whose motivations are clearly to “replenish the ol’ coffers,” to which the President responded, “Hey, I was physically and more or less mentally present at every oval office meeting. No one had more access to the President than I did. I heard most every word that came out of his mouth and can personally attest to the fact that every word in this book will be true…to the best of my recollection.”
At a news conference, after reports of the President’s book were leaked by the White House, press secretary Dana Perino categorically denied that the President was writing a tell-all about his tenure in the oval office, further suggesting that reporters refrain from any speculation about the book until after they’ve read it.