Monday, November 12, 2007


A priest and an animal of some kind go into a bar. The bartender says something to the effect that an animal in a bar is a somewhat unusual occurrence, and then the animal says something funny.

A guy goes into a whorehouse and asks what he can get for 20 bucks. The madam refers to some sexual practice, takes his $20 and sends him into a back room where something happens that is not sexual but takes the guy by surprise, as it dawns on him that what the madam said had a double meaning, implying that he was cheap.

A street bum asks a passing businessman for some help. The businessman gives him advice instead of money. The bum makes a derogatory, profanity-laced comment.

A large-breasted woman goes into a bar and orders a drink with an unusual name. The bartender makes a pithy remark, involving some wordplay based on the similarity between the name of the drink and her large breasts.

Jesus is on the cross, looks down at one of his disciples and says “I’m very high up.”

Three people of various ethnic backgrounds are on a plane when the engines go dead. They very quickly realize there are only two parachutes. Each makes a case why they should have one of the parachutes. One grabs a chute and jumps to safety. The second makes a remark about the third guy’s ethnicity, takes a chute and jumps. The third one dies.

Two old guys sit on a bench in Central Park, when a very attractive young woman walks by, causing them to reminisce about their younger days when they might have had an appropriate anatomical reaction.

An old man and an old woman who have been married 50 years have sex on their anniversary and when he asks why they haven’t done this more often, she makes a remark suggesting that she has, but with one of his relatives.

And my favorite: Two Jews walk into a bar.


Joshua said...


Brilliant, just brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Witty comment by appreciative reader; not a striking writer, but a sympathetic retired member of one of the Hollywood unions.