GOP show horse, Sarah Palin’s recent gaffe-fest proved two things: one: it’s hard out there for a simp. And two:
SHE’S NOT QUALIFIED TO BE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
Still, it seems Mr. and Mrs. Maverick ain’t gonna blink. Instead, she’s been whisked off into the witless protection program and ensconced at her pimp’s crib in Arizona, where she crams for Thursday’s debate, surrounded by handlers, being spoon fed facts and talking points, all under the proud and watchful eye of Johnny Mac, who proved two things in choosing her as a running mate: that he’s got brains the size of peanuts and balls the size of planets. Meanwhile, the Repug flacks have taken to the public highways to set the bar so low that unless she walks onstage wearing a Che Guevara T shirt and takes a dump on the flag, her performance will be declared a raging success. And with days to go, the dominant news chatter is all about how she’ll do, toe-to-toe with Joe Biden. Will she be able to express herself coherently? Will she hold her own? Will she be able to demonstrate a command of the issues and challenges facing our great nation? But the truth is: it doesn’t matter how she does, because…
SHE’S NOT QUALIFIED TO BE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
They could coach her from now until the end times. They could mind-meld her with Christiane Amanpour, Madeline Albright, Doris Kearns Goodwin, and the ghosts of Eleanor Roosevelt, Barbara Jordan, and Golda Meir…She could come out Thursday night scatting the Constitution, along with the collected works of Arnold Toynbee, John Kenneth Galbraith, and Benjamin Franklin, while armpit-farting the Stars and Stripes, and twirling red, white and blue flaming batons, with a piccolo stuck up her ass playing the Star Spangled Banner, while tap dancing morse code coordinates of Bin Laden’s hideout, waving semaphore flags articulating Justice Warren’s majority decision in Brown v. Topeka Board of Education, then toss off her glasses, shake out her hair and rip off her dress revealing a Wonderwoman suit, spin around in mid air then burst into flames and explode in a July 4th fireworks finale while shooting red, white and blue triplets out of her vagina, who spin in the air and land one on top of another with the top one holding lady liberty’s torch and wearing her crown, while Sarah lands on her feet behind the podium and, in a final flourish, brings peace to the Middle East and cures Cancer… And it still wouldn’t matter because…
SHE’S NOT QUALIFIED TO BE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
But, you know, who am I to judge? So, best of luck. Give ‘em hell. Break a leg, shoot a moose, or whatever they say up there. And fyi, it’s pronounced mah-MOOD ah-mad-in-uh-ZHAAD.
1 comment:
I guess I should say from the outset that I’m a Hilary supporter. While I agree with you ten fold that Palin is a total and complete fucktard who has no business being in this race in any capacity, I’ve never understood how Democrats could so zealous about Obama’s qualifications. Frankly, I don’t think he’s anywhere near qualified to be President, and I don’t think there is any empirical evidence prove otherwise. While I’m reluctantly supporting him, I can’t buy into the dogma.
Post a Comment