Thanks to Twitter, we are no longer sadly unaware of what everyone else is doing, thinking, or feeling at every single moment of every single day. Except for that one time that had traditionally been private: taking a dump. But that empty space in American life will now be filled, thanks to Shitter ™, the new social networking site for people taking a crap.
Prior to this innovation, sitting on the toilet was a moment reserved for reading, reflection, or perhaps even despising your friend who came up with the brilliant late-night idea, in the form of “hey, I just heard about this fabulous new Moroccan restaurant. Let’s check it out!” Regardless, thanks to your cell phone or netbook, those heretofore private moments need not remain private anymore.
In what will become known as “sheeting,” those who sign up for Shitter ™ will be able to communicate their every thought, feeling, and emotion while on the can. What are you thinking? Are you having a good time? Is it going well? Is this a home or away game? And, if away, how are the facilities? Luxurious, marble hotel stall with two-ply rolls and a basket of hand towels? Or urine-soaked public park crapper littered with used condoms and candy wrappers?
“Sheets” will have to be under 50 characters, creating even more of a challenge to be succinct, pithy, and to the point. Whether the pit stop is a respite from one’s troubles, or an intrusive, but necessary detour from a pleasurable, exciting, and stimulating day, there will always be time to fire off a quick “sheet” and let the world know how it’s going.
Shitter ™. Because keeping your thoughts private is just so last century.