Thursday, July 30, 2009


As the arguments over health care rage on, key Senate Republicans opposing the President’s plan are about to present a report leaked from the Beck Institute, which might just turn the battle into an all-out firefight. The report will reveal that the President’s stated intention to provide all Americans with government-run health care is just a smoke-screen for a plot to darken the skin tone of white Americans, turning them Black.

The insidious plot involves putting a government option in place that will be so attractive to struggling Americans that millions of newly insured white patients will begin seeing doctors for the first time in years. Then, under the guise of performing standard diagnostic tests to assess the patient’s current health, cadres of specially trained Jamaican nurses will pretend to take their blood but, instead, administer a skin-darkening agent known as Boehner225.

The process, referred to in the report as “Negrowing,” will be gradual, and as it will commence during the summer, the slowly darkening skin tone will most likely be mistaken for a beach tan, so that people will not instantly panic. But as fall approaches, the patient’s skin will continue to darken, as the effects become permanent. And irreversible.

A GOP spokesperson is urging all Americans to write their representatives, demanding they resist the government plot at all costs, stating: “Not only would this plot have a disastrous effect on the economy, particularly on the golfing, sailing, and car-racing industries, but with millions of white people having been turned black, the 2012 election would be a slam-dunk.”

When reached for comment, a White House spokesperson categorically denied the allegations in the report, stating: “It is completely false. Our plan has one single goal: to provide millions of uninsured Americans with affordable health care. And to kill old people.”

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