Hey, mom. There's a giant load of shit in my diaper! But I didn't do it! The lamestream media took a crap in my pants and now they're trying to pin it on me. Man, it doesn't take her long to get out front of a national tragedy and make sure no one thinks she's to blame. Five seconds of "hopes and prayers for the victims" and eight minutes of ""It ain't me, babe." Good thing she's got her priorities in order. Yeah, we don't settle our difficulties with duels at sunrise anymore. Ain't we fucking civilized. And I doubt there was any calculation in releasing that video at midnight, just to make sure she made the morning news the day the president would speak at a memorial for the victims. Not like she's a calculating political animal whose only consideration is how she can upstage the president since no one invited her to attend the event. And there's good reason for that. NO ONE WANTED HER THERE!
Yeah, it's not her fault some sick fuck took out his anger at the world. He wasn't listening to her. Who is his right mind would? Shit, soon as I can get my ass into a group home I'm planning on telling her to fuck off. But as mom says, at least we live in a country where the moment some psycho decides he's going to carve out his place in history with a 9mm automatic, that he can drive down to the nearest WalMart and get himself the ammunition he needs to make sure people remember his name.
Don't retreat! Reload! Hey, ma! I just reloaded my diaper! Come change me quick, but don't throw it out. You may need it for your next speech!
HOW BIG AN
IS MY MOM?