Monday, August 27, 2007

Army “Quick Ship” Bonus: Alternative To A Dead End Job

In an effort to bolster military ranks in time of war the army has instituted a new $20,000 “quick ship” bonus to get recruits to enlist and ship out immediately. In just 3 weeks the army had enlisted 3814 recruits using the bonus. James Hosek, a defense manpower expert at the Rand Corp., said that though the quick-ship bonus is a "very smart move" by the Army, it could attract people who are less motivated to be in the service.”

As with all contracts, it is advisable to consult an attorney before signing, however in the interest of clarity, the fine points are paraphrased as follows:

A) While termed “quick ship,” it is not quick pay. The enlistee will received $10,000 upon completing basic training and advanced individual training, with the remaining $10,000 paid out in even annual sums over the course of their initial active duty enlistment, based on the formula of one year=12 months. (Note: the term of service is extendable solely at the discretion of the army as it deems necessary.)

B) The remaining portion is reducible if the enlistee does not complete service. If said enlistee is killed in action, the remainder of the bonus is reduced by the number of months unserved, as the enlistee did not complete the contracted portion of service, as a result of death.

C) If enlistee is injured: the 10k is reduced per a formula based on “body part lost” (hereafter designated “BPL”) and terms of service (hereafter designated “TOS.”) The BPL formula breaks down as follows: the enlistee is designated as essentially a human body comprised of five major working parts: two arms, two legs, and one head. If an arm or leg is lost, diminishing enlistee by 1/5, enlistee will forfeit 20% of the outstanding bonus, collecting only 80%, further reduced by the amount of TOS unserved, based on the aforementioned BPL. Two BPL: 60%, three BPL 40%, etc… However, in the eventuality of BPL, the army will provide the appropriate prosthesis (prostheses), thus returning the enlistee in essentially the identical working condition as received.

D) Fingers and toes will be considered minor body parts (MBP), and designated as 1/10th of the abovementioned 1/5th BP, however their loss would not necessarily render the enlistee incapable of resuming service. It would be at enlistee’s discretion to continue service, therefore collecting the remaining portion of the bonus (less the per-digit percentage MBPL). If, however, enlistee decides not to continue service, the remaining portion will be reduced by the aforementioned formulae.

E) Further MBP designations include loss of eye (½ of a major working part; see also “ear,” “nostril,” and “testicle”), therefore the enlistee will only forfeit 10% of the outstanding bonus. However, if both eyes are lost (hereafter designated as “blindness”), or both ears are lost (hereafter designated as “deafness”) the entire remaining portion will be forfeited as that will render the enlistee incapable of completing the contracted service. Should both testicles be lost, the remaining portion will be passed on to enlistee’s children.

F) If, however, the head is lost, the entire remaining portion of the bonus will be forfeited, as the enlistee will no longer be fit to complete the contracted portion of service.

G) The money is taxable.

Hosek added: “There's a risk of bringing people in with lesser attachment or commitment to the Army, adding money will, for some people, sweeten the deal enough to persuade them to enter.”


Joshua James said...


The fine print will get a guy every time!

Anonymous said...

I had a little bit of a laugh. Are those 'fine print' points actually REAL?