IS TRUMP'S HAIR HIDING THE MARK OF THE DEVIL?

For the last year, people have been struggling to comprehend the Trump phenomenon. Not just why he's winning, but what does he want? He's already rich, so it can't be money. Fame? He's got that. Power? He's got that, too. But perhaps it's not enough power. What would this odious, ignorant, malevolent, misogynistic, misanthropic, xenophobic piece of shit want that he doesn't already have? Why would he amass legions of devoted followers who hang on his every word? Who would behave like the personification of pure evil... other than the personification of evil itself.

There have been whispers on closed circles for some time that Donald J. Trump is not who he claims to be. People are saying that the man's singleminded quest for power has actually been a smokescreen to hide his true mission: world domination. In short, people are saying  that Trump... is the Antichrist.

Of course, most reasonable people say that's ludicrous. That there is no devil. No Satan. That it's just a metaphor for the evil that exists in the heart of man. Or is that itself a meme that has been floated into the world to distract people from his true agenda? Now, many say that this is just a wild accusation. After all, where is the evidence? Where is the proof? The proof is on his head. The mark of the devil: 666.

It's a well-known fact that the mark of the devil -- 666 -- is imprinted on the head of his spawn. This is documented in the Book of Revelations, Verse 18: "Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six." The Bible also says that the Antichrist will first accrue great wealth as a steppingstone to political power. But where is the proof that it applies to Trump? The proof is in the man himself. The proof... is in the hair.

Trump is an egomaniac. He's rich. Arrogant. Vain. For some ungodly reason, he takes pride in his appearance. However, no man with even a modicum of self-respect would orchestrate a ridiculous front and side-whip cotton candy confection like he's rocking on that head. Why would he go to such ridiculous lengths, unless he's hiding something. Something... like the mark of the devil. Trump obviously suffers from male-pattern baldness. And while baldness has been the bane of existence for men over the ages, recently the shaved head has established itself in the culture as a legitimate fashion choice. So, why hasn't he shaved his head? Or gotten hair transplants? He can certainly afford the best. Some say it's because he can't risk anyone seeing what has been imprinted on his head. 666. The mark of the devil.

Still, some apologists counter that this is mere conjecture. Maybe so. But it's not the only evidence. There is Trump's birthday itself. Donald John Trump was born June 14, 1946 in Queens, New York.  New York. June 14, 1946. 6/14/46. The first number: 6. The last number: 6.  And the middle: 144. 1+4+4=9. And 9 upside-down... is 6. 666. The mark of the devil.

Yes, it's shocking. Bone chilling. People shudder to think that someone who has accrued vast wealth, and has plastered his name all over the world on phallic ego palaces may be the personification of evil. Others will argue that this is idiotic. Just a cheap shot, a cowardly attack on a man's background and character to score points in a political fight. But until it is put to rest we will never know the truth.  And the American people need to know the truth. They need to know the true identity of someone who is trying to become the most powerful person on Earth.

That is why it is necessary for Mr. Trump to settle this once and for all in the only way possible: by shaving his head, live, on national television. It would certainly be a fantastic, tremendous, terrific, event, watched by, using Trumpian metrics, tens of trillions of people. But it's the only way to put this controversy to rest and ease the minds of God-fearing Americans who need to know that a man who is running to be the leader of the free world is not the spawn of Satan. It's up to you, Mr. Trump. In the name of all that is holy -- show us your head!