"There was this movie in the 70s called Johnny Got His Gun, based on a famous book by a blacklisted screenwriter. It was about this soldier who gets shot, and he's lying on the operating table, completely lucid, but paralyzed, unable to move, unable to talk, unable to scream. I know how he felt. Talk about being fucking paralyzed. Look at me!! But you know what? I envy the bastard. At least he could suffer in private instead of being carted around like some movie prop in the arms of some crazy bitch while she shrieks at a bunch of fat, dumb rubes who wouldn't recognize an original thought if it got shot up their asses on the tip of a lightning bolt. I mean, do you hear the stupid shit that comes out of this hosebag's mouth!? She thinks she's the living incarnation of fucking Jesus, Mother Mary, Joan of Arc, and Ronald Reagan, and I have to just hang there with a load in my pants, like a fucking idiot, looking like I endorse this shit! And now I'm stuck in some reality show, being carted off to some wilderness while she pretends she's Nanookie of the Fucking North. And not only am I not being paid, but the second the cameras are off, she hands me off to the moron husband, who hands me off to some assistant who he's probably bangin' when she's on the road. But, hey, why not? She's got him by the balls so he plays his part 'cause she's bringing in the cash. We're all stuck in this carnival sideshow and she's working it from every angle. "Mama Grizzlies," my ass. Only contact she's had with a wild animal, other than shooting it from a helicopter, is when she makes Todd dress up in the bear suit during their "special alone time." Like they think I don't hear her ridin' his ass from the next room. Tell you one thing: I get a little older and she wants me to perform, she's gonna have to diddle my prick, too. Sarah Palin's Alaska. Shit. And they call me retarded. This show is retarded! This life is retarded! This whole country is retarded!!
(Thank you. That was borrowed from Al Pacino's rant in And Justice For All. It's my audition monologue for the Special Needs Players. Gotta do something to bust out of this crazy life. Got any suggestions? I'm all ears.)
T.P. From the road. Peace out.