America, beware! The crazy bitch is off and running. It's Sarah 2012. Book tour, my ass! She didn't write the book. Fuck, she didn't even read the book. But she's in Iowa promotin' it. Sure. Now she's traveling overseas. Haiti? Watch her pick up little Haitian babies as she puts on her best "I care" face while passing out Neiman's gift cards to the masses. England? Uh huh. She had her assistant buy a copy of Rosetta Stone English so she can speak to Margaret Thatcher in her native tongue. And Israel. This isn't foreign policy. She's shopping for a vacation home in advance of the Apocalypse. Crazy megalomaniacal bitch thinks even God is horny for her.
And the media! The fucking media with their "is she or isn't she running" bullshit stories. Fucking hypocrites. If she looked like Susan Boyle they wouldn't even take a dump on her. But, day after day that fucking mug is all over the tube. Here's some breaking news for you, you alleged journalists! And you can take it to the fucking bank! She's running! Sittin' down with Barbara Walters? Took her two years to come up with an answer to "what do you read"? C.S. Lewis? Newsmax? Atrophied minds want to know. Trust me, this psycho cooz doesn't read books. She can't read a stop sign without moving her lips. And the husband, who she refers to as "my bitch," thinks she's qualified to be president. Who saw that coming? I wonder if Ted Nugent will endorse her. And her fucking twitters. She spews her bullshit to some toady who crowbars it into Palinglish and pukes it onto her Blackberry.
Wake up, America! She's dumb. She's dangerous. And she's coming your way in 2012! The whole gang of retards is coming your way: The 70s porn star husband. The dancing queen Miss Piggy unwed teenage mother. The unwed-mother-in-training other daughter. And her crew of enablers, apologists, explainers, hairstylists, fashion stylists, economic advisors, policy advisors, PR and image consultants, debate prep team, personal assistants... and me. Like I'm a fuckin' movie prop. Carting my ass around like we're fucking Siamese twins when she's on the stump, then drop-kicking me to some toady the second she's off stage. And here's the scariest part: she knows she's full of shit. She knows how ignorant she is. And it's not stopping her. Think about it. She knows she's incompetent but it's not stopping her. But we can. Write the book, Levi! Write the fuckin' book!
En garde, America! She's got you in her sights. You saw what happened to the moose! Hey, Julian Assange! I know shit! Call me!